3 pages of sequential goodness!!

[samuraiwannabe]

Here are three pages of my book...I should have page 4 up soon.

http://www.geocities.com/samuraiwanabe/page1.html

http://www.geocities.com/samuraiwanabe/page2.html

http://www.geocities.com/samuraiwanabe/page3.html


Any and all comments will be welcome and appreciated..im a newbie and looking for constructive comments!!

[emerican patriot]

All right, lets begin. . .

I'm not sure how old you are, and these pages aren't great, but they are a good start to sequential work.

First thing that bothered me was your lettering, it is small, and should only slant in one direction, you have multiple angles it tilts to making it messy.

I'm not super excited with your style, i see you are into the dragon ball Z kind of thing, but some more practice drawing more realistic figures would help you witha few anatomic problems. a little more work in hands perhaps, the last panel on teh second page has his hand quite odd. Not like theres a clear wrist separating it from his arm.

The story isnt hard to follow at least, and thats very good. I simply think with some more practice towards your pencilling your comic books will improve greatly along with it.

The last page is my least favorite though, why did this red all of a sudden show up? Its not too bad in the last panel, but teh first red blood appearance is crazy. The flow of it makes it appear the guy is simply hurling blood towards his head or sucking it out of the wound. And blood dripping from the guy's mouth shoudl fall down due to gravity, not shoot up. The last panel is odd because im am confused about thsi nike swoosh. I think you were going for showing the angle his sword slashed. But in the picture of him its clearly a horizontal hack, and that swoosh effect is too easily related to nike, so id go for somethign different.

Hope i coudl be of some help, comrade. Good work, i can tell itll get better.

[samuraiwannabe]

thanks for the comments, i appreciate it.

The red on page 3 was a test, and I just threw it in there to see the reaction I would get. I was considering leaving it a black and white book, with only the blood being colored, but after seeing it, I've began to reconsider.

The swoosh sucks. After I inked it, I realized that it just didnt go with the flow of the next panel,,,and when I threw in the red on it, it just screwed it all up. Just a test.

Youre the first person I've had mention the similarity in style to the great Toriyama (DBZ). I'm actually humbled at that.

And worst of all, The lettering sucks. I was planning on submitting this, and had to include lettering. Ill definately not be doing that again in the future.

Your comments are appreciated. As a newbie to this site, I look forward to showing more of my work...if the comments i receive are as honest as yours:D

[meridian]

first of all, i love the sequence on the first page...but i'm a little confused on the second, especially with panel 3 and 4. the last panel is also confusing. there's a ninja beside him as he throws the sword but in the next panel on the third page, the ninja's suddenly behind him. if this is another ninja, then you should at least see the ninja that was beside our hero in the last panel in page two. otherwise, the last panel in page two seems to lack focus on the what the hero's trying to do...you should have a medium shot of the hero throwing the sword either towards you or in a 3/4 angle. that way the panel focuses mainly on the hero. and finally, the use of a swoosh works very well in anime and cartoons because it's animated and the motion is supported by the final image of the sword splitting open the ninja's head...unfortunately, it doesn't work as well in comics. as 'emerican patriot' put it, the swoosh doesn't seem to match the final image. and besides, you really don't need the swoosh panel, seeing as how you've captured motion already in the last panel. other than these crits, you've got a pretty cool action sequence goin' on here! keep it up, man!

[motherbleepers]

a nice pic, all three so before i barade you i had to tell you that you are very handy with a pencil. I think youre drawing style is flat, and I pass that critique to you because It was given to me.
I've collected the street fighter 2 comics for about 7 issues, and you remind me of that. the only thing i wish for you is that you sit back and watch or look at what you draw and figure out the wrong i know you can do that, lord know's i try with my art. so study up, and you might just become a money earner.

cee you