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View Full Version : more pages from my first book


bolt
06-11-2003, 03:29 PM
http://home.attbi.com/~rlarrison1/wsb/media/184991/site1031.jpg



http://home.attbi.com/~rlarrison1/wsb/media/184991/site1032.jpg



http://home.attbi.com/~rlarrison1/wsb/media/184991/site1033.jpg
penciljack
06-11-2003, 03:39 PM
The quality of the art on these pages is pretty good, but I have to confess that I am having a terribly difficult time figuring out what's going on in these pages.

The lack of backgrounds in the panels with the characters is the biggest problem. I have no "grounding" to understand where the characters are in relation to one another. I don't know which ship they're on, or whether they're on one of the ships, etc. For all I know, they could be watching a television monitor in separate houses, you know?

As I said, the art is pretty good, but the lack of backgrounds really prohibits me from understanding the flow of the story, even with the dialogue.
Justice41
06-11-2003, 03:58 PM
What I noticed is the lack of far shots. All the interior shots are medium shots. You never show the complete figure of any character. The BG's need to be drawn in. I realize your trying to show the characters floating but without far shots and BG's your missing the mark. I also think you jumped the gun inking these before the art was ready. I would not do the Lettering either if I were you. At least until you really study the artform of lettering. The lettering you used is flat. You may want to do this in the puter.
Using the Falcon from Star Wars aint cutting it either. There are too many books out there with cool spaceship model designs, for you to use a retooled Falcon. The tech you have in the panels is flat. Give it some guts, give it some depth and give it some functionality. But above all make it recognizable.
emerican patriot
06-17-2003, 02:07 PM
the other two critiques are pretty good, but i know how dissapointing it can be to get just a small bit of input, even if it is right on target.

The pages look pretty good, the art is nice, but you definitely need backgrounds, This page started off looking fantastic with the space shots and detail put in there, what happened man?

You can easily improve these pages, they don't seem finished, with a little backgrounds itll be better, But it would also help to have an establishing shot of the ship's interior.