so, her's page one!

[rottenart]

this is the rough for page one. i'd like to hear some comments...

btw, this will eventually be a submission for my own idea for a book; a compendium of stories, if you will

cheers, all

[rottenart]

i keep forgetting to post the damn image!

the frickin' page (http://www.deviantart.com/view/2059816)

[EddieChingLives]

Did you know if you mess up posting, you can EDIT your post by clicking on that EDIT button below each post you do, right next to the quote button, all the way to the right.

As for the sequence, I like the establishment shot. Took me a bit to realize he's waking up from a nightmare. Just work on consistancy. The character looks a bit different in each new panel you draw him. So work on that and maybe use a ruler for the panel borders. And I have no idea if he's sleeping in a tent, or a sleeping bag or a huge tent. It seems like the contraption keeps on looking different in each panel.

Nice pacing. Even though I like your establishment shot, I think you might be better starting off from panel 2. Establishment shots usually work best if it shows the space relationship between what will happen in the following panels. And since there's no tugboats in the following sequences, I'm not sure if you need it.

But this might be personal preference. Work on the consistancy maily. Cartooning books suggest drawing a character ten times to try to keep the consistancy the same. So you might want to try that.

[rottenart]

thanks for commenting...i was beginning to think i was being singled out for some crime!

this IS just a rough so the final shape will be a bit different. i'm using my 11x14 sketch pad to map out my pages before i transfer to real boards. perhaps the extra room will allow that est. shot to breathe a little.

also, i like what you said about the consistancy. when i do the finishes, hopefully, the guy will be recognizable throughout...

thanks much for your insight.


keep 'em comin!

:D