First post: The Cantrip

[Siftland]

Hey I just registered the other day and wanted to give the place a test run.

I've been looking for a forum for comics for a while and have heard of this place, but never really investigated. I've typically stuck to illustration forums in the past. You guys seem very focused on sequential art which is great.

Anyway, I'd consider this to be my first serious comic project, though pretty much everything about it is not your typical comic stuff. So I hope it is appropriate to post. I've been working on it for well over a year now (I've been slow) and intend to try to get it published once I finish.

I'm up to page 27 (of 60), so I'll just post a few of the pages here. All the pages can be found in a directory at my site:
http://www.gnourg.com/comics/cantrip

...so go there if you want to read the whole thing thus far.

http://www.gnourg.com/comics/cantrip/cantrip2.jpg

http://www.gnourg.com/comics/cantrip/cantrip25.jpg

http://www.gnourg.com/comics/cantrip/cantrip26.jpg

Any comments you might have would be appreciated.

[Bruce Lee]

Siftland,

First of all, let me welcome you to the board. :D

I like what you're trying to achieve here, but there's a few things that take me, as a reader, out of your story. The main thing is the lettering. The lettering and caption boxes need to be be neater and clearer, and without the slight tilting. Maybe you're going for a stylized sort of thing with the text, but it's coming off as looking--well, for the lack of a better term, sloppy. Lettering can make or break the artwork, and I'm afraid that your lettering here is not doing your artwork many favors.:(

I like the stylized look of the monochromatic pages with the white highlights. I find that it adds and element of the fantastic to your pages. Almost a Victorian feel.

Regarding the artwork, some of the basic anatomy and drawing is a little off and is therefore distracting to some degree. Examples of what I mean: 1) Page 2, panel five. The guy's hand and fingers are misproportioned. 2) The perspective on the train is obviously "eye-balled", and not gridded. As a result the train engine and cars appear to be stubby--not nearly long enough to fit passengers. Likewise, the wheels of the train appear to be leaning inward, as if the weight of the train is bending the axels. 3) On page 25, panel three, the whirling helicopter blades should be more of an elipse shape. 4) On the same page, the caption box crops the man with the tophat's hand and the arm of the beasty in an unflattering way. 5) On page 26, the helicopter blades should again be shaped more like a thin elipse from this POV. 6) The big needle-like building appears to be falling over backwards.

One last thing for future reference. When posting pages, it's best to post consecutive pages for people to get a real idea of your storytelling. It's better to post pages 2, 3, and 4 , or pages 22, 23, and 24 than it is to post page 2, 25, and 26.

I hope my comments have been helpful. Good luck with the book,

Loston
http://www.lostonwallace.com

[Siftland]

You're right on all accounts. There are many mistakes.

This comic was created in my sketchbook, without reference, in a very dirty manner. Since I started I've come to realize that things like reference (and good lettering hehe) are vital, but I've been continuing to produce this story in the same way I originated it.

I think that, nowadays, I could do a whole lot better....a whole hell of a lot, than the method I'm persisting in doing this comic in. And your critiques, while at first kind of depressing me, I think have made me realize that this work is not quite there yet....and I should perhaps not be so intent on rushing out work that is not yet up to par. Sometimes I wonder why I would want my first comic outing to be so flawed, and know that it is.

I think yoursimple post triggered some weird catharsis in me hehe. You've made me think about the future of my work, and question where I'm going with it....and I'm grateful for that. I think I might shelf this and start something new for the time being.

I'm kind of curious though: If you were me, would you think this is worth trying to publish?

[benlw]

Well I really really love your style. Without bring rude to Loston I think he tends to go for a supra-realistic style and although that may be to his taste I don't really like it. I love the way you have drawn and laid out your pages, the reader really gets the sense off an artist at work - pages that look too perfect tend to feel mass-produced, mechanical; I prefer to see an individual take. If you look at Herge's Tintin comics for example you can see with some of the text boes where he has had to reduce the size of his text as he nears the end of his space, in many ways this shows he has made a mistake but I think it gives the comic more feel, you can really imagine him at work and can see him engaging with his story - as a result I think the story is more engaging to read.

A lot of alternative comics (which I prefer to read) are also very roughly drawn - some even have a very amateurish feel - but I don't think this makes them weaker, again, in some cases the comics are better for it.

Don't give up just because you've had one piece of negative criticism, decide what style YOU want to go for and develop that - sure some will love it, others will hate it, but its YOUR comic and you are communicating YOUR ideas/story - you call the shots. Do what you enjoy (and I think the work above really shows your enthusiasm).

I'd love to see more of your stuff - Ben