Marvel Sample Page 4 [Archive]

Saturn Lad

05-24-2003, 09:51 AM

Hi Rich,
I haven't had time to post for a while, but I noticed you're putting up a bunch of sequentials for Marvel samples and thought I'd at least take the time to run through one of them. You really are cranking them out, you'll surely keep improving through sheer determination and dedication alone. Anyway, on to the crits...

Panel 1: There are some tangents, even just minor ones can be distracting. For example. the light pole and the arc of the window frame, as well as the right cuff of his coat and the far sidewalk edge. There are tangents throughout most of these panels and I don't really want to go through and nitpick all of the minor ones out, but compositionally it's something you'll need to look out for. Since he appears to be in deep shadow (from looking at the way you shaded the ground) I would expect most of the light to be coming from in front of the character, so there should be some darker blacks on his back. This would also help to convey that he's making this change in secret.

Panel 2: I like the burst effect. I'd hate to have to ink it, but that's because I have no skills.

Panel 3: Why has the camera moved. Since you're trying to emphasize that this is the same guy from panel 1, I would recommend keeping the background the same as panel 1. If you're trying to convey that he's larger now, it's been lost with the perspective change. We can't tell if he's larger because of the camera move alone, or if there was also a size change in the transformation. If the background stayed the same, we'd know any changes are related to the character alone. Perhaps you'll notice that there's also a really big tangent with the light post and the window frame.

Panel 4: So he's come out of the alley and everybody's laughing at him. Is it supposed to be because of his goofy costume? Who is this guy, anyway? I don't recognize him at all.
Compositionally, you'll notice that this panel is very heavy on the left side. In the planning stages (thumbnails) you would want to look out for things like this and try to balance the panel out more. I do like that you've tried to draw a number of different people into the scene.
Something I've noticed before and that you're still doing is having people walk in unison. Three of the characters going back, starting with the guy whose hand is over his mouth, are walking with the same stride and are in step with each other. It just doesn't look natural.
In regards to perspective, there is a major problem with the main character. You did a good job of keeping the background characters in relation to one another, you'll notice that the horizon lines cuts through them all at about the same place just under the knee. It should also cut through the main character just under his knee. In this case that would mean we should be seeing nothing more than his leg. If you want to show his face in this panel, the whole perspective layout needs to be re-thought out.

Panel 5: Compositionally (you probably hate that word by now), what you're trying to achieve in a panel like this is controlled chaos. You can't just start dropping bodies around and draw them where they lie. You'll end up with tangents everywhere, as is the case here. Even though that's how it happens in real life, in a drawing we need to exercise our control over chaos, just as a good movie director controls everything in his scene. I recommend picking up some back issues of Draw! magazine, specifically issue 4 in which Bret Blevins gives advice on composing panels such as this.
Anatomically, there is a problem with the heel of the hand shown in close-up. Also, none of your characters have necks. That's something I've noticed in a lot of your drawings, so you might want to spend some time sketching and practicing the way the head and neck connect to the torso, as well as the neck's range of motion. I've had problems myself with drawing necks, so I know they're not as easy as they look.

Panel 6: The street signs and the pole holding them is really throwing off the perspective of you're background. It's merging with the building in the background and making it look quite strange. Again, the cause is tangents. Also, there are tangents with the brick wall and the back of the characters head and his underarm.

Overall, I'd recommend thicker border panels. I must say I'm impressed with your restraint in using such a conventional panel layout. That's definitely the way to go in a submission package. I'm not sure if you're basing this arc on an actual story-line from a comic, but I think a lot of the action in this page is pretty abrupt. For example, everyone is instantly laying on the ground in panel 5. Why? The only way to tell is through captions. Since you're drawing without word balloons, the story needs to be paced a bit differently and tell clearly what is happening. I'm assuming that he's put them all to sleep, or has he killed them? It's hard to tell. How did he do it? Again, impossible to tell. If we had seen him wave his hand, then seen a close-up of someone drowsing off, then the panel with everyone sleeping, it would have been much clearer.

Keep up the good work Rich. I hope this critique helps out.