Transformers Armada Pg1

[Lyzander]

Here's the first in a series of three pages I am doing for inclusion in a submissions pack. I opted for a Transformers page to show versatility in my ability to work. The pack should be being shown to an editor next week (assuming I can get the other 5 pages done) so I would appreciate some really honest and constructive critiques on this page please. I apologise for the poor scan, but I couldn't seem to get the lines to marry up when I scanned the original art, so this is a scan of photocopies of the original. I've just realised that I have missed the Autobot symbols off of Hot Shot and Red Alert, but this will be remedied before next week!

http://images.deviantart.com/large/indyart/scifi/Transformers_Armada_Pg_1.jpg

Thanks for looking

[chynco]

well if you want to ask for critiques becuase you're going to submit to an editor then you need to have some more pages to we can really examine it on its storytelling because i'm sure that's going to be a big part in the way the editor looks at your work.

imagine us to be the editors... you're not going to just give us one page as an example of your cartooning... because it doesnt say anything. it's like showing a couple frames of a movie or 15 seconds of a song.

right now all i see is just transformers standing around... nothing there yet to make out any storytelling. but if you want critiques on the art... then i think it looks cool for transformers.

that first panel seems to making a tangent witht he border of the larger panel... that might be an annoyance to the editor. i dunno.


so for now all i can say is... more pages please.

[tomek]

i agree with chynco. the other thing that jumps into my eye is, that your layout is to fancy for a submission. i've heard, that editors prefer more conservative layouts, but it's just what i've heard...
transformer are preety hard to draw, so far, i see no flaws. i agree, there's a tangent between the border of panel 1 and the smoke in panel 2. but that's all...
good luck with your submission.

[Lyzander]

Here's the page as it was done by thje original artist on the comic:

http://phantomgrafix.tripod.com/lyzanders-portfolio/id22.html

Just to compare and contrast.

[tomek]

Originally posted by Lyzander
Here's the page as it was done by thje original artist on the comic:

http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/f388c306/bc/lysander%27s+album/originalarmada.jpg?bcS2ry.AllzWJ38o

Just to compare and contrast.

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