redraw!

[Temperance]

Yeah yeah, I said to myself LAST year that I'd finish issue one before the end of summer..... yeah.. that went over well.
Ah well.. Looking at all my old crap I felt it best I re-draw some pages to fix them up. So take a look and see if you agree that they are a million times better then my first attempts. Page 3 and 4 are not completely finished. I still need to draw a lung and foetus in page 3 and I need to add the liquor bottles on the shelves on page 4, and add a background to the first panel.
But take a look and tell me what you think. I'd really apreciate the feedback.

Page 1
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/349223

page 2
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/1881315

page 3
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/349228

page 4
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/1881364

[chynco]

nice pages here, but i can't say that i totally understand whats going on in these pages.

to me there seems to be a man sitting in front of a computer. i don't know the purpose of those panels on the first page yet but i assume theres going to be some kind of significant dialogue to accompany them. otherwise what's the point in slowly revelaing aman sitting in front of a computer in a bare room, not very dramatic.
then, assuming from the "play", he's watching a video, although his back is turned away form the computer screen, which means he's watching it on something else???

then theres a scan of the woman? where'd this come from?

ahh i see now,yes, it's supposed to be the woman on the chair. i only got that from the position she's sitting in. i think you should have had that pose before the "scan" page. it helps clear things up a little.

the next page is all about dialogue i guess. but you switch the positions of the charaters, which isn't necessary.

i hope that the dialogue will help clear things up.

cool though, keep it up.

[Temperance]

Unfortunately since this comic is issue 1, the first few pages are very dialogue driven.
Page 1: supposed to be a mood shot, which describes the man and offers a startup point for the rest of the comic. The room is horribly sparse because its a military facility and the army prides on only the barest of necessities (which is mentioned in the dialogue).
Page 2: Again, this has to be explained. the playback function is instered directly into his brain ( therefore he can have his back to the computers). The suit he's wearing is an electronic bio suit... think Matrix meets venom. It can change shape and function as required. So the suit both recorded and can play back the events.
Page 3: another function of the suit it can scan for basic medical knowledge of the subject and play the information back to the wearer of the suit.
Page 4: I felt I was doing too many shots from one angle. Most people had been complaining about my lack of different camera angle shots, so I switched it around a little. I realised after the fact the bar was on the wrong side! whoops! but I'll fix it, promise XD

[Temperance]

here's page 4, fixed and finished
http://www.deviantart.com/view/1898534

[tisbore]

you draw hair very nicely. and, page 3. that looked like it took a lot of work..