"fly' completed, JUST LINKS

[FlepDjec]

this is it! its all here.

scenario by richard daley, art by me. if anybody feels like trying a color on this one: shoot. that would be great.

1
http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished01.txt

2
http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished02.txt

[FlepDjec]

3
http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished03.txt

4
http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished04.txt

[FlepDjec]

5
http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished05.txt

6
http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished06.txt

[FlepDjec]

7
http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished07.txt

[EddieChingLives]

How bout some links so those of us with dial up can click on one image at a time.

[FlepDjec]

thats a smaal effort, here you go:

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished01.txt

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished02.txt

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished03.txt

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished04.txt

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished05.txt

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished06.txt

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished07.txt

moehhaha

i just realised this is useless cuz the images will load
anyway:rolleyes:

maybe a seperate post

[FlepDjec]

for those unfortunates with dial up internet:),

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished01.txt

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished02.txt

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished03.txt

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished04.txt

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished05.txt

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished06.txt

http://www.geocities.com/flepdjec/finished07.txt

[EddieChingLives]

wow. you take requests very well. thanks.

but too bad it's on geocities.com

txt files dont work to well as links.

and, also, I wanted you to put the links under the pics on the other thread. Having so many threads hoggs up bandwith.

if you click edit, you can edit your posts. It's an option I use a bit too much of.

[EddieChingLives]

Too many threads can hogg up bandwith. Also, the links aren't pointless, while the page is loading, I can click to the next link.

If they were html files and not txt. But it's ok. I know the troubles that geocities and most free sites have.

But www.250free.com has so far been pretty good to me, you might want to try them out. And you get 250 megs of space.

[FlepDjec]

mm, what do you mean, you cant see them? do you use netscape?

try these:

http://webserver.dhs.org/phlep/remotelinks/finished01.jpg
http://webserver.dhs.org/phlep/remotelinks/finished02.jpg
http://webserver.dhs.org/phlep/remotelinks/finished03.jpg
http://webserver.dhs.org/phlep/remotelinks/finished04.jpg
http://webserver.dhs.org/phlep/remotelinks/finished05.jpg
http://webserver.dhs.org/phlep/remotelinks/finished06.jpg
http://webserver.dhs.org/phlep/remotelinks/finished07.jpg

[EddieChingLives]

Thank you!

Allright, since you went to all that trouble for me, let the critiques begin.

Overall, I like the cartooney style. I like the story. You're pretty consistant.

The last panel on the first page and the first panel on the second page, it's inconsistant. The first page, it looks like we can see into the cubicle behind him, but on the next page, there's a wall there.

Work on your walking poses. It never quite looks right when your characters walk. Their arms and legs don't match up the way they're suppose to.

The first panel of page 3 looks too bare. You could use some more background from the panels I mentioned above.

On page 4, panel 2 kind of throws everything off. It's doing a jump cut sort of thing. Normal pacing is either moment to moment, or changing the zoom. These angles are changing so much it's kind of hard on the eye.

Page 5 panel 3, I don't think the balloon with the fly is working. Perhaps a buzzing noise would be better. Panel 4 might have worked better as a close up.

Page 6 panel 2, there needs to be more details in that building. Just adding window frames would help so much. Also, this may be too personal, but I like your guys without the cheekbones. I think you might be adding one too many detail lines for your style. The last panel, the board room guys without the cheekbones look clearer.

Page 7, the third panel might work better if he was walking out of the building. But that might be personal preferance.

Good job overall. Thanks for going through all the trouble so I could see them. I appreciate that.

Work on avoiding jump-cuts and un-necesary panels. Your story, story-telling, and style is pretty good and consistant. And watch the cheekbones.

[Ra Havok]

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!

The art is good, the storytelling is good, the rhytm is good, the story is good.


I love it.

[penciljack]

That was an awful lot of pages to display in one post, FlepDjec. Even on a T1 here it took a few seconds for all those images to load. Instead of double posting this artwork, a better approach would have been to just change the images to links by editing the posts. I've done that for you and merged the threads into one.

I recommend you only post three to five pages per topic, in general. And even if you post that many, if they're really large files, just link to them instead of displaying them inline.