View Full Version : new stuff
05-05-2003, 06:34 PM
this pages are based on a script i get from an editor, total of 5 pages. i'm still working on it, but two pages are ready. crits are welcome!
that strange thing at panel 4 is the amazon river from birds eye view...i just had no better reference...
05-05-2003, 09:27 PM
Ok, on page1, 3rd panel, it looks like he is lying on the ground moreso than falling. A possible way to fix that might be to have him looking down, maybe have the arm holding the rifle more out to the side, and have his clothes flare out more behind him. Remember, he is falling and facing a TREMENDOUS amout of wind resistance. Another way is to tilt his body more so that he is going down head first(sorry if this is confusing, hope you understand what I mean.)
There were some other parts that confused me on the 2nd page(the underwater moments) but after looking a them for awhile I realized what was going on but from what I've heard from other crits, things need to be clear right away so you might wanna work on that.:)
Geez, I'm probably mucking stuff up with this crit, so I could someone who knows what they're doing come and help this fine man?:D
05-06-2003, 06:48 AM
because of putting a script not written by myself into panels, i had no full control of the storytelling...just a little excuse...
05-06-2003, 07:30 AM
long time no see (umm better "read") ---
soooo: that stuff looks great, dude! :eek:
i dig all the storytelling going on (the waterscenes with all the piranhas was a little strange at first --- but after lookin again i checked whatīs goin on) ... and the Amazonas birdview is pretty well done ---- easily recognized what it was
panel 1: plane and burninghot-sun but no clouds
last panel: there are clouds :-)
PAGE2: if a regular person jump out of a plane diving directly into the water ... all that would be left was some blood and body meat ---- because from that height and with the immense approachingspeed the water surface would get as hard as concrete (Beton ;-P) ... buuuuuuut a guy (like this badass US-airforce SpecialAgent) who survives a piranha attack will easily manage that water-thing --- but thatīs not really your fault 'cause you just illustrated what was written in the script :)
the art looks really good ;-) .... i think, from what iīve seen from you so far, that this is your best stuff yet *thumbsup*
keep it up man...
P.S.: expect to hear from me soon (by eMail) --- been a little busy with Uni-work and crap the last couple o'days (after EasterHolidays) ... ohh and beside that iīm a lazyass ;-)
05-06-2003, 07:58 AM
thomas 's back in town! thanks for your comments. this actually IS a story about a bad-ass special agent, who survives a fall from a killer altitude.
p. s. i've i couple of new music...
05-06-2003, 10:39 AM
Great storytelling. Crisp pencils.
In the falling panel, if you tweak those action lines a little bit to the right, it might help it. Also, the next panel of the top perspective, it might help to have the dude's arm, head, or rifle in the panel to show depth.
Page 2 is so friggin' cool. Great pacing how you cut to the fish before he enters the water. But in the first falling panel, it might help to show the strings from his parachute flaying in the wind. And when the piranhas attack they might look scarier if some of their mouths are open ready to bite.
That is all, just a little tweak here and there. Overall, really solid stuff. As long as you're consistant and can crank these pages out, I'm sure you'll find work.
ok, I like the strip, and this is going to sound anal but, piranhas don't attack, especially if they feel, they'd be scared and swam off, but that don't make for good story telling
05-07-2003, 02:43 PM
thanks you guys for your constructive crits! the editor already saw this pages and he likes them. so i'm finishing this script now and maybe i'll be hired...;bat;
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