A Football Game.....IN A COMIC!!

[Bear65]

can anybody tell me how to post artwork in this box? that would be so very helpful...thanks..
oh yeah, heres my comic, w/o text...

http://www.deviantart.com/view/1772269

BAM!

[chynco]

wow,

you did some good work here. im surprised no one has commented yet.

in general everything is clear for the most part. it's difficult to tell the difernt teams apart. you need to differentiate them a little more.

why is the guy so sad at the end? didin't he just win?

anywho, i think that third panel was a bit confusing, it took me a minute to tell that was a knee and foot. i think you need to seperate them a little.. they're too close to being a tangent with each other. next panel is nice... you really focus on the key characters.

there's something i don't like about the poses in the 6th panel. they look unnatural compared to everythign else.

the next page is very confusing.. the transistions aren't smooth enough to follow. who is in the close up? is it #65? that camera change of him being on the ground then suddenly ina close up and facing a completely opposite direction is a bit jarring.

third page is fine.. everything is pretty clear there. good expressions.


well that's bout it..... good work though.

[Bear65]

yeah....i'm sure the text would help clear up everything that u just said...

the assignment was to make a comic about an even that actually happened to you or to someone u know....so i decided to draw my last football game. its kind of like a flashback, which depends a little on the text, since i am jumping large amounts of time between the panels...except the first page takes about 30 seconds or so...the second page doesn't really have a time set into it...and the third page is back into time again...lasting only a minute or so....and we lost that game...that explains my sadness and why i have that look on panel three page three.
maybe i will post it with the text....i just didn't want to block any of the artwork.

thanks for that indepth crit....very helpful!
bear

[Travis]

Thats pretty damn good. Made sense to me.


Keep up the good work!

[whibbage]

aww I can't see it... =(

I'll have to try again later...

[jv7x]

The only thing I have to add to these is that I think the pages are kinda brought down by the ink job. The inks are very inconsistent. The weight, shading technique and solidity isn't great and that takes away from some nice pencils. Solid blacks and less crosshatching would help move these pages. JV

[Bear65]

thanks for the crit about the inks jv, but why would more solid blacks help "move" the pages? isn't that just a matter of personal preference? i'm not a big fan of cheesy comic solid shadows....in real life there is definitely not sharp enough contrasts for solid black shadows everywhere. and i wanted realism...well, i always want to get as real as i can... and since there are so many tones between white and blck i crosshatched....but i agree it is kind of inconsistent. I can't crosshatch all that well..haha.

i guess overall its just my choice of style, but i agree with you that i need to practice on my inking. but then again, i'm not trying to be an inker.

[rottenart]

that's a great idea for sequential practise...

i agree about the teams needing seperation from eath other. as do i about the use of more blacks. graphic images need graphic effects.

i would like to see the finished product.

[TAP_LEGION]

The thing that bothers me the most about your inks is the halo thing...it isnt needed..too many people do that these days ...a very amatuer mistake....nice job doing the helmets and facemasks....I can't quite tell whats going on tho.....would like to see more brutal hitting in a football game...

keep doodling....

here's a link to some of my football work :

http://taplegion.deviantart.com/