View Full Version : topcow entry
04-24-2003, 10:30 PM
i tried really hard to finish this up before the deadline so i could get some feed back to make it look better but i took to long drawing it :( now i will be sending it out in a few hours to make sure it gets there on time .... id still would like some c&c if you dont mind though .... now i can finally get back to the critical mass assignments ...lol...
04-24-2003, 11:25 PM
Impressive work, Mike! That's 5 pages, right? I got a bit confused at one point coz I thought it was a 2-page spread until I saw the bottom pages load up.
I'm still digesting this and trying to make out the story. Is this from that Top Cow contest with the sample Tomb Raider/Witchblade script? I think I skimmed that script and remember thinking it wasn't the easiest script to interpret. Good job on making the characters look like Lara and Sara! Will chime in with more input after I'm done taking it all in.
these pages look very nice. But since you're doing them for a submission, I going to give them the full treatment.
First I give my general comments:
- storytelling looks good. there may be a few questionable spots, but I think I read the script for this submission, and I found the script to be a bit confusing. So I'll assume you followed it quite well( since I know your storytelling is already good)
- Your anatomy is off in more than one place. You're having a lot of trouble when you draw down shots of the women.. The bodies just don't have a foreshortened feel in many cases.
-Clothing wise, you could use more reference. The great thing about clothing is that if you put even a little effort into getting it right, it looks great. In some places the clothes have the feel of smooth cardboard; there just aren't enough folds and creases.
-You faces are looking nice.. And there is one excellent profile on the 3rd page( I love it)
-The design of your backgrounds are nice, but you could throw in a bit more perspective. There are a couple too many straight on shots where 2 or 3 point perspective would have looked great.
-You're spotting blacks really nicely all around.
-There's a lot of meaningful gestures and acting coming from the characters; looks great. This would be even nicer if you got a little more reference for the anatomy of the figures.
-I would encourage you to get some reference for all of the figurework in this submission.. I've found that you can use your self as reference even for female figures, especially with clothing. If you have a digital camera it's even easier. Just take some shots of yourself in all of those positions just to clean up the foreshortening and clothing. After that I think you'll have an untouchable submission.. of course, if you can find a willing female to hit all of those poses for you, you're a luck man..
I will get to a detailed crit later, but first I have to say that I really like the general look of your pages, very clean, and your shadowing really adds a classy dimension to the general feel of these.
As i said, i will go into details later, but the one thing that hit me first is I had some trouble at times figuring what was going on, especially on pages 3 and 4, where I have no idea of what's going on... And I agree with everything riq has mentioned, I'll be mor precise in my next post.
Talk to you later, and good luck with these!
04-25-2003, 06:52 AM
hey thanks all .... i had some trouble with the script ..... i totally reworked the first 2 pages to fit all the information that they were asking for .... and the way they tried to describe some of the panels to draw i was like aaaggghhhhh ........ i been drawing and redrawing almost everything here .... and you were right riq about the clothing thing ... i gotta start researching this stuff more ... as far as anatomy , i just found a book that i really think will help me out .... you can find the script at topcow.com if you want to read thru while looking at the illustrations. thanks again cuddly, riq and jel...
04-25-2003, 12:48 PM
first off, great work! really like the detail you put into the work and you use some very interesting shots. the other crits have focussed on your artwork so I won't go there...but what I'd like to critique is your storytelling.
in page 2, you've removed the shiny silver-like altar that the old man was thrown onto. it's an important element in the script that ties to the holes found in the crypt that Lara was examining at the end. I love the worm's eye shot of the old woman on top of the old man but we really need to see what the old woman looks like completely transformed.
in page 3, the closing shot of Lara with her hands on her guns needs to be bigger and have more emphasis, showing off her confidence in taking over this investigation.
in page 4, you should have the guns held out by Lara in the third panel otherwise, by the fourth panel it looks like much to Lara's surprise, Sara yanked the guns out of Lara's holsters when it fact the script states that Lara relinquished the guns on her own accord.
in page 5, Lara figures out that the crypts/mausoleums are arranged in an octagon configuration...so you need an establishing shot/long shot to show this discovery.
again, great work! and I hope to more stuff from you!
04-25-2003, 03:26 PM
the placement of your pages is a bit...unusual, but i'm impressed! top cow is waiting!
04-26-2003, 07:21 AM
Good luck Cab.
I hope you win. I wish I had a few days to soak it all in and give you a good critique but deadlines are deadlines.
It seems though that the thing that stands out most is the perspective. If you want to impress an editor you need to show them you can do 2 and 3 point perspective. It really makes the page look more 3 dimensional and dynamic.
You have alot of talent and great potential.
I personally hate Wizard and would boycott them if I could.
04-26-2003, 07:55 PM
yay, finally getting to this, whew!
I don't think there's much for me to say after going reading everyone's crits, so I'll just get down to the nitty gritty...
Good vs Bad
Script?: It'd help if you could plug in a link to the actual script. That way, I'd have a better understanding of the story, since the pages seem to get confusing after page 3.
Camera Angles/panelling: I really like some of the angles you have, but the panel layouts need some work, especially page 3. The way you've got panels 3 & 4 laid out is creating a tangent in the corner, and impedes the flow of the page. Same thing page w/page 5. My suggestion would be to practice making thumbnail layouts to get a general idea of how the pages work individually and as a whole. Don't bother with detail. Keep it simple, and when you feel comfortable with what you have, take it to the final stage.
Backgrounds: The panels with just Lara & friend are great, but you need to variate the camera angles you've got concerning the actual backgrounds. Right now, all the shots you've got for the church are just straight shots, making the mood seem static. Play with the surrounding environment, since it also plays a major role in the story. Remember, not all shots have to have the characters in it. If you have trouble with drawing the building, don't hesitate to use a reference.
Characterization: The character consistency in some of these are great, but I think you could push the body and facial expressions a little more, especially with Lara and the woman. Remember, the viewer has to identify what the characters are feeling and doing regardless if the words are there are not.
Aside from this, however, the pages look great, and with practice, you'll get even better! I hope this helps :) Good luck!
04-28-2003, 08:32 AM
hey meridian .... thanks for the c&c .... i see all the points you were making about the parts of the story i was missing .... truth of the matter i wasnt sur exactly how to portray some of those elements which i know is no excuse but i was rushing to get these pages done for the contest .... wish i had these done a week ago , all these excellent crits would have helped alot ....
thanks fusciart, i didnt even think about 2 and 3 point perspective ...d'oh .... i have to remember things like this ... lol
thanks ardiante... sorry about not posting a link to the script ... , you had to download it and then open , and it was kinda long to just post , sorry .... ill think ahead next time ... i will take in kind the thumbnail idea , i hear of alot of people using it , its about time i give it a whirl ... hehehe...
thanks all for giving me the time and looking over my work it means alot ....i will make it a point to make a note of all these wonderful suggestions you have all given and try to make my next sets better and better ... :)
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