Johnny Bluebottle comic #2

[mario36]

This is the second sequential in this new comic series I started. It's about a dumb cop and his stories in the police force. On this second sequential, I tried some new things. I used flatter but more vibrant colors instead of a painterly look. Also I tweaked the format. Do you guys have any suggestions?

If you wanna see this comic's homepage, go here: Bluebottle homepage (http://www.animatedbuzz.com/Dumbass/index.html)


--mario
www.animatedbuzz.com (http://www.animatedbuzz.com)
Animatedbuzz Forum (http://pub86.ezboard.com/bmarioshouse)



http://www.animatedbuzz.com/Dumbass/03.jpg

[Ra Havok]

hey Mario!

Okay, I'm gonna crit this hard! Hope you don't mind..

-colors: Too saturated.

-Camera placement: Needs more variation e.g. no close-ups.

-Perspective : seems wonky in panels 3 and 4. I dunno... maybe because it are just the figures and some doors.. The rooms are too empty!

-Joke: unfortunately, the joke ... isn't there. It , well, isn't funny. Little strips like these are hard to make. I tried them myselves for a while, but it cost me WAY too much effort to think of something somewhat funny. No shame in having trouble to find a good joke. Maybe you could ask a witty writer or somebody to provide you with scenarios.. That's the way I did it a couple of times.


Good luck with your furter comic-strip endeavours!

[mario36]

hey, thanks for being honest, lol. I really do appreciate it.

I wonder though.......how the hell would you go about making funny jokes? Is there any advice anyone can give me about making things funny!!!

About the colors, I'm trying the more "vibrant" look out for change. The other strip was too dull, this one is tooo saturated..ahhhh..*pulls hair out!*

-mario
animatedbuzz.com

[Johnny Blaque]

I get the joke but it only gave me a chuckle. The "Ackward postions" joke would be better if you could actually tell that the fat cop was infront of the thin cop, right now it looks like they are side by side in the panel beforehand. The closet joke was only alright.

As for coming up with jokes Pop culture is full of 'em, why do you think there are sooo many comicsand movies like Penny Arcade and Clerks out there!:) I come up with jokes whenever I converse with my friends or family(cause I a comedic genius;bat; ), we are always bouncing stuff off each other.

[jv7x]

I've tried strips in the past with varying success. It really is a lot harder than the Gary Larsens of the world make it look. I heard the method they use is coming up with a punchline and working backwards, making sure to use material from today's headlines and pop culture. Don't take it personally if someone doesn't think it's funny. Humor is a very difficult to capture, spontaneity is the key. Your punchline was visible from "your uh...office". I've given up at it but lots of luck to you. JV

[Popninja]

The problem with this strip is there's really no one to sympathize with. Bluebottle is too damn stupid to be likeable and the cops are such outright jerks that you can't feel bad for them for having to deal with someone like Bluebottle.

Maybe give Bluebottle a little bit of a clue upstairs. That could help when putting him in a situation like the one you put him in.

For me, I would change the whole scenario. I'll give you an example:

Second panel('cause the first one is OK, I guess): Show Bluebottle approaching the two cops. Have one cop say, "Oh God, that's him...Johnny Bluebottle."

Third panel: Cop says, "Hiya Johnny. Welcome aboard. Looking for your office?" Bluebottle says, "Oh Lordy! I have an office?"

Fourth panel: Cop says(pointing), "Ah, yeah, it's three doors down on the left." Bluebottle says, "Thanks."

Fifth panel: Bluebottle, stopped in front of a door, says, "Uh...this is a closet." Off panel word balloon says, "I said THIRD door down."

Sixth panel: Bluebottle looks down to the next door, despondent, as he reads the words on the door. They read, "Ladies Room." And then have "HAHAHAHA" coming from the side where the cops are.

That would be my take. You can make Bluebottle look like a complete mort, but he has to have some signs of life upstairs. If not, the people he deals with have to be burdened by him. Examples would be Bluebottle messing things up in a bust, or spilling coffee on the chief. Things like that. Otherwise, it just doesn't come across as funny. And I guess I'm not up on my current lingo, 'cause words like "Lordy" and "luscious" and "eeeeeeeep" just don't sound right to me.

The artwork is pretty good. No real crits on the art. But the characterization needs work.

[mario36]

damn! Why couldn't I think of it like that! bah. It'll take a lot of practice. Thanks for giving me the examples. they REALLY help me out a lot.

This is my first shot at anything dealing with comedy and I didn't think it would come easy. I totally didn't even think about the sympathy part. ah yes. It's coming together though. slowly but surely. Thanks again.

-mario

[ikarus]

I thought it was funny, but I agree with some of the framing issues and speech balloon placement. But Mario, yer art is great as usual and I look forward to seeing what you come up with next. So get to work.......:p

Ikarus

[Ra Havok]

me again,

just wanted to add to my critique that your camera placement is too varied: except maybe for the last panel , it's never on eye level, which is the 'standard' camera height. All the wild camera angles are quite strenuous.
I'm not pleading for a constant garfieldian camera placement , but I think it would really help if you placed the cam more on eye level, and closer to the characters.

[mario36]

hmm...I don't really understand. I panned the camera out/in between the panels but I thought that it was positioned in eye level. Like, I had the character's eyes placed on the horizon line......what do you mean eye level, exactly??

-mario

[Ra Havok]

yeah , sorry, I didn't express myself clearly..
what I meant to say was that the horizon line is seldom in the middle of the panel. In panel 2, the horizon line is WAY down. In panels 3, 4 and 5 it's very high. You see? Such a placement of the horizon line might be good if it were an action scene, but for strips like this, they tend to detract from the art.

[DEVin]

dude, seriously don't sweat it, I'll pump out tons of layouts for comics, all meant to be humorous. And I think they're funny, and everyone else ..... doesn't. Basically, funny stuff is HARD to think of. I mean, funny moments and things being said happens, but don't work as strips.


Just keep working at it!

[mario36]

Havok: I see what you're saying now! Thanks for bringing that to my attention. I thought if I would do a "low angle" shot for the 2nd panel, it would make the two officers kinda superior looking, u know? but I guess for a comic like this it's best to keep it simple. Thanks.

Devin: Yea, I'll just keep drawing these comics and I'm sure I'll get somewhere with the humor. I'll understand it better at least. Thanks

-mario