View Full Version : Couple pages
04-16-2003, 02:05 PM
Here is a couple pages of Ted. Love some crits and comments. Thanks
http://unclewya.com/images/sequentials/tednood6inksmall.jpg http://unclewya.com/images/sequentials/tednood4inksmall.jpg ;)
04-16-2003, 02:16 PM
they are out back not doing this peace justice
Awesome as usual, Unc.
Really how do you do it? Where do you find the time?
I gotta know!!! ...can't...go...on...Unc's...too...good! JV
04-16-2003, 06:52 PM
These are great pages! Nice, clear storytelling for the most part, and the linework is excellent. Good angles, action, etc.:)
There's a couple minor things I want to point out though.
There's a tangent taking place between the fork of the bicycle in panel one and the side of a building in panel two of the first page that's a little distracting. My eyes were drawn right to that area instead of too the crucial information in the panels, so you might want to consider fixing that if it's still possible.
In panel three and four the transition from the present to the past (dream sequence) could be better. It would have been wiser to have shown Ted from the front in panel four to parallel panel three's POV. That would make for slightly smoother storytelling. As is, the change of camera POV, change of scene, and the change of the main character's build and clothes could potentially throw a reader off-- at least at first. You handled the transition from the past to the present at the end of the second page far better, leaving the reader with absolutely no room for doubt as to what has taken place.
04-17-2003, 06:23 AM
Bruce, Thanks alot for the critique, I really appreciate it. Those tangents always happen with me, good catch, it is pretty distracting.
I agree about panel 4 also, I should've done a front view of Ted, then in the next panel just show the indians runnin at the reader. It would've worked.
Thanks again. I'll post some more of these pages soon, I have lots to learn.
04-17-2003, 09:24 AM
Dang, Wya... these are awesome! Very clean, crisp pencils, and the little details are blowing my mind! What's really baking the ol' noodle, man (ba-dump bump), is your grasp of storytelling and pacing. You've got just about the best flow of any of the pages I've seen on this forum. The reader can tell exactly what's going on with the story without the benefit of dialogue, which is the essence of sequential art. Bravo!
Loston already hit the major crits I saw. I would have to vehemently agree with him on that tangent in the first panel. Seriously distracting. The only other thing that I would add to the crits is Page two, panel three. Compared to the rest of the page layout and character dynamics, Ted's leap in this panel just doesn't seem to have quite enough oomph to it. The action itself is very clear and well done, but the posing of the character just seems to be lacking something.
Other than that, exceptional job!
04-17-2003, 10:36 AM
Thanks Easyrider! These pages are inked bro! Thanks for the crits. Later:D
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