View Full Version : ff submission page 2 re-worked
04-15-2003, 02:23 PM
i drew my ass off! here's the freshest piece of my work, feel free to crit, even when i don't plan to make any changes on this page. i recieved a test script from a little comic company in orlando, they saw my art in a seq art forum and like to test my relation between quality art and quickness. it's a 5 page script, realy cool, i'm preety exited, but i have to finish in in only 5 days, it means 14 hrs of work/day...jeez. but maybe i'm lucky and i get my monthly book...:cool:
enough said, i post the finished art in maybe a week. happy eastern to everybody!
so here's page 2 of my fantastic 4 submission:
page 1 is here (http://www.penciljack.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=28260)
04-15-2003, 05:28 PM
I like this, but I really think it would help id the characters projected more shadows over the sets.
04-16-2003, 08:02 AM
Here's my panel by panel critique:
Panel One: Right away you've got a nasty problem occuring that needs to be dealt with. The Baxter building's left contour lines form a tangent with the lefthand panel border of panel two. Not only is that distracting ( the reader's eye is drawn right to the tangent and not to the subject), but it also flattens out the panel. :( That needs some fixin'. I suggest you move the building over to the left a little more.
Panel Two: This is okay, but you again have some tangent problems happening with the computer screens and equipment.
What's up with Sue's hair here? Sort of looks like she's been using the same hairstylist as Francis Ford Coppala's Dracula. Kind of odd.
Panel Three: For the most part, a solid panel, except for the fact that the bottom of the car doesn't share the same horizon line vanishing points as elements of the background. It's not off in a major way, but is noticable.
Panel Four: I don't like this panel transition. You've flipped the camera 180û here, which is a little jarring, and kills your page flow.
Panel Five: Two things bug me regarding this panel. 1) Most of the buildings appear to be nearly the same height. These are obviously NOT New York buildings, which come in many different sizes and shapes. Break out some reference on Manhattan and make this cityscape less generic.
2) That supposed to be steam coming off of the human torch? Fire? If so, it's not really reading as either. It looks more like ribbons or streamers.
A suggestion I'll also make is to leave the top of this panel open (border free). This will allow the reader to "breath" a little as they look through the page.
Tomek, you have a good page here, but I think many of the problems I pointed out keep it from being a great page. If I can spot these things, an editor probably can also. Food for thought.
Take it easy,
04-16-2003, 11:55 AM
hey tomek , great work ... listen to loston , hes awesome at critiquing .....and aside from some angents , there really wasnt much that needed work so great job in that respect ... good luck with your sample script , if your pages come out anything like these you will probably have it in the bag , good going .:D
04-16-2003, 02:30 PM
aaaaaaaargh! loston, you destroyed my illusion of a great page! i was frustrated for about an hour after reading your crits for this page and page 1 too. BUT, i'm the man whon never, never, never gives up, so after finishing my other projetct i will come back to make this damn fantastic 4 story perfect and believe me, slow but sure i hate this script;)
by the way: did you ever noticed how often marvel changes ff costumes and overall look which includes the architecture of this stupid baxter building? i have five different ff books from five different artists, and the costumes are allways different, and susan changes her hairstylist more often then i change my socks...
and cabralsoth, my friend, thanks for being not on my side...;)
04-16-2003, 07:32 PM
I don't mean to shatter illusions, nor do I wish to discourage you in any way, but I figured you wanted some straight dope talk regarding your FF pages. You do very nice work, but these pages do have some kinks that need working out. Once you do some tweeking, no doubt you'll be more satisfied with them, and so will an editor. Don't give an editor any room for doubt. Let 'em know that your art is as solid as a rock. Don't give them any reason not to hire you. ;bat;
04-17-2003, 03:22 PM
your critiques are absolutely constructive and i appreciate for your time! the only thing i want in this forum are some serious crits and comments and that's what i allways expect and get from you (and from all the other guys) and that's why i post my stuff here again and again. so i re-draw this pages because i mean all this serious.
be sure, i never misunderstood you. thanx again.
:D : that's my face sitting in front of my table with a fresh strathmore board and thousands of new ideas...
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