New Submission.....Thumb sketches

[Ruddiger]

Here is the new submission package I am starting, It is basically just Johnny Storm pulls up to a restaurant (I'm gonna add some foliage in front), gives the keys to the valet and is approached by and autograph seeker who turns out to be the Super Skrull and then they scrap and Skrull gets tied up and leaves.

I tired to use more distance shots here but not go crazy with them and varied up the camera shots more. So before I start on these let me have it with the crits! Are these at all better?

http://images.deviantart.com/large/indyart/indymisc/Sub_thumbs.jpg

Thanks,

[Saturn Lad]

Thanks for letting us see your thumbnails. This seems like a really good plot to use for a submission. Did you prepare it yourself, or did someone else write it?

Regarding the layout, it still appears that there are a lot of close-ups. It doesn't appear that there is even a single clear, full-body shot of SS throughout.

For example, the second page where the girl turns into the Super Skrull. That event could be the anchor panel of the page, and should be something that is very easy for the reader to visualize. But here you just see Johnny's reaction as he hands the book back to a burning hand and sees something burning in front of him, then an extreme close-up of the Super Skrull's face. Did the girl turn into SS or did SS just push her out of the way so he could get the autograph? I guess we know what happened, but a good shot of SS halfway transformed as the anchor panel might be more powerful. Or perhaps a large panel split into two where the first half of the panel is one side of the woman beginning to change and the next half is the other side of SS mostly changed. Whatever you can envision that clearly tells the story.

Besides just drawing the images, you also want to tell the story and that includes pacing. If you haven't had a chance to read Will Eisner's Comics & Sequential Art, I highly recommend it. You'll never look at page layout the same again.

By the way, I really like the first page. The only thing I would probably do differently would be to have the car door closed in the second panel. Once again, I think it's pacing. The first panel is the front of the restaurant with no car in front, the second panel is the same restaurant with a car in front and the door already open with someone getting out. It just seems kind of abrupt. Instead, maybe have him getting out and tossing the keys to the valet in the third panel.

That's really just a personal opinion, though. I'm sure others might disagree or at least have their own method of laying out the page. And I didn't mean to write a book, sorry 'bout that. Anyway, I think it's great that you're getting opinions so early in the process and I hope your able to get some good advice from members of the board with more experience than myself.

[Ra Havok]

The camera placement is much better , Ruddiger!

I can't give you any advice since the thumbnails are too small... :(
Maybe posting somewhat bigger thumbs could help me out ..

Looks promising!