G-Man
04-09-2010, 07:55 AM
I'm Gerald, use to post here a lot back in the day scripts from a zombie story I was working on called Sanctum from the Dead. I draw as well but am easily arritated by my illustrationing flaws.
This is a rough script as of now, I'd just like to get some feed back on my writing. So far I only have about 3 pages finished but I have been doing the writing at work, been using notepad on my LG Rumour2 to write it. At work I can't write but they don't mind me texting:confused:?
Anyways, here's what I have done on my cell.
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El Mucho Fisto:Tale of the Four Armed Luchador
Issue#1:Pay Your Dues
Page One: consisting of two horizontal panels that each take up half of the page.
Panel One: It is just about night fall, we see a poor community of Mexico. There is a small market of vegitables/fruits/fish/grains/rice/ect. Several people are browsing the market, off to one side is a thief who is stealing a tomato or something. A group of stray dogs chase after a loose chicken in the streets, two small children run after the dogs as a form of play. We see an old man playing guitar for money, a woman with three little ones begging for money, and a man sleeping on the side of the road. Above the street is a fat guy sitting on a balcony fanning himself with a news paper as he takes a drink from his strawed beverage.
Panel Two:The front of a bottum duplex appartment, the front door is slightly opened as it's top hinge is broken. linning the front wall are dead plants and flowers which were once a garden, but now mulch. On the front step is a young boy sitting with his head propped up by his arm that is rested on his knee, his free arm hangs down between his legs as he holds onto a water pistol, he shoots the ground with water from the pistol. Briefly, the boy is bored.
A house call doctor is walking towards the entrance with his doctors bag, he is back to us.
Page Two: four panels evenly divides the entire page to make square like panels.
Panel One:A shot of the boy sitting on the step as he looks up to the Doctor who is not in the panel fully, this shot if like an over the shoulder view of the boy looking up at him.
Doctor:"Good evening boy, where in the house can I find your mother and father?"
Panel Two: view from inside the appartment looking out as the doctor makes his entrance. in the background we see the boy turning as he get's up to answer the doctor.
Young Boy:"they are in the back room with my uncle."
Doctor:"Very well then, I shall show myself in."
Panel Three: The doctor now walks down a hall way facing the reader. he looks at his pocket watch that is attached to a pocket with chain.
Panel Four:The doctor knocks on a door.
Sfx:Knock Knock
Father:"It's open."
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It's only two pages, not very exciting yet, but I have to get going and I don't want to loose what I have done.
I will post more soon and yes, it does get more "actiony"
This is a rough script as of now, I'd just like to get some feed back on my writing. So far I only have about 3 pages finished but I have been doing the writing at work, been using notepad on my LG Rumour2 to write it. At work I can't write but they don't mind me texting:confused:?
Anyways, here's what I have done on my cell.
----------------------------------------------------------
El Mucho Fisto:Tale of the Four Armed Luchador
Issue#1:Pay Your Dues
Page One: consisting of two horizontal panels that each take up half of the page.
Panel One: It is just about night fall, we see a poor community of Mexico. There is a small market of vegitables/fruits/fish/grains/rice/ect. Several people are browsing the market, off to one side is a thief who is stealing a tomato or something. A group of stray dogs chase after a loose chicken in the streets, two small children run after the dogs as a form of play. We see an old man playing guitar for money, a woman with three little ones begging for money, and a man sleeping on the side of the road. Above the street is a fat guy sitting on a balcony fanning himself with a news paper as he takes a drink from his strawed beverage.
Panel Two:The front of a bottum duplex appartment, the front door is slightly opened as it's top hinge is broken. linning the front wall are dead plants and flowers which were once a garden, but now mulch. On the front step is a young boy sitting with his head propped up by his arm that is rested on his knee, his free arm hangs down between his legs as he holds onto a water pistol, he shoots the ground with water from the pistol. Briefly, the boy is bored.
A house call doctor is walking towards the entrance with his doctors bag, he is back to us.
Page Two: four panels evenly divides the entire page to make square like panels.
Panel One:A shot of the boy sitting on the step as he looks up to the Doctor who is not in the panel fully, this shot if like an over the shoulder view of the boy looking up at him.
Doctor:"Good evening boy, where in the house can I find your mother and father?"
Panel Two: view from inside the appartment looking out as the doctor makes his entrance. in the background we see the boy turning as he get's up to answer the doctor.
Young Boy:"they are in the back room with my uncle."
Doctor:"Very well then, I shall show myself in."
Panel Three: The doctor now walks down a hall way facing the reader. he looks at his pocket watch that is attached to a pocket with chain.
Panel Four:The doctor knocks on a door.
Sfx:Knock Knock
Father:"It's open."
----------
It's only two pages, not very exciting yet, but I have to get going and I don't want to loose what I have done.
I will post more soon and yes, it does get more "actiony"